Belated Halloween Special
by Cherrie
Summary: Illumi, together with Hisoka and Kuroro, kidnaps the four main protagonists. No, it's not what you think. Yes, I'm aware it isn't Halloween -.-;;


** ** !!!Warning!!! ****

Senseless fanfic done by a child with a dry sense of humor. **DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. **This was written out of sheer boredom that it didn't even take that much of an effort to write it. Really. So if ever someone out there's looking for something to criticize, look elsewhere. I'm just posting this up just in case someone's bored enough to look for something silly to read. Yes, _silly_. As in, hey-my-brain's-tired-maybe-I-should-let-it-rest-for-a-while-hey-look-a-fanfic-without-a-plot! kind of silly. Also, this fanfic comes with the inevitable OOCness of three infamous murderers because you cannot make a humor fic with the manga's general antagonist who's fond of licking blood off his victims, an elite assassin who has as much variety in expressions as a dead, decomposing tree log, and the leader of a notorious group of thieves who's out to get his revenge on the whole race of humankind. Thus, this was written with an idealistic, ridiculous notion that Illumi is the center of the universe and Hisoka is his minion, and that Kuroro will do the former's bidding just for the sake of humoring the shadow beneath his feet. *nods* 

Did the warning make sense? No. Was it an acceptable excuse? No. I thought so. Anyway, standard disclaimers apply. Let's start! 

**Belated Halloween Special  
(or: The Day a Kid Cleans Out Her File Folders)**

* * *

**Illumi: ** Hello. My name is Illumi Zoldick and I shall be the guide for today's activity. This is whoever-is-writing-this-thing's Halloween Special, and since her muse is being a bitch and won't give her a proper story to write, she came to us instead for help. 

**Hisoka: ** How come Illumi gets to have Halloween candies and I don't? *pouts and looks at the shadow in the corner* 

**Kuroro: **Because the kid doesn't like you because you always hurt Illumi-san in fanfics. 

**Hisoka: **But that's beyond my control, it's not my fault!!! *throws a fit* And why are you here anyway? 

**Kuroro: **Because the kid doesn't like you, as mentioned. 

**Hisoka: **I'm supposed to be Illumi's partner here! 

**Kuroro: **It isn't like you're helping much, you know. 

**Illumi: ***ignores the sudden puff of smoke behind him and the sounds of breaking objects somewhere along its vicinity* Needing no help at all from my supposed "partner", I shall now give the rules for this game. I shall be picking up the main characters from Hunter x Hunter, namely: Gon, Killua, Kurapika, and Leorio. I shall then give them two supposedly horror-story paragraphs to complete. There are blanks in those two paragraphs, and they shall fill them in with words or phrases. 

_ There was a boy by the name of _______. One night he was walking through the _______ when he saw something shimmering a few feet away from a _______. He walked towards it when it started to _______. Eyes wide and interested, he bent down to _______, but before he could even _______ the shimmering object, it spoke. It said in a _______ voice, "Don't you dare _______ me, or else I shall _______ you and _______. I am a _______ and no one must dare to _______ me."_

_ _______, he dashed back to the village, not even stopping to look back at where he saw the strange object. He was convinced that he had just brushed in with the supernatural, he headed back to his _______. But as he told the tale, nobody believed him. _

**Illumi: **The objective is that the characters would fill the blanks in according to their attitudes and beliefs. We shall see if they can come up with a decent horror story. Okay, I shall now be collecting--I mean, inviting the aforementioned characters. If you will just give me a minute... 

[ Illumi dashes off the window (regardless of the fact that the door was just beside him) and flies/jumps/whatever off. The clock ticks a mere 40 seconds before the window reopens to take in Illumi and a big sack. No, it's black, so don't think of Christmas, it's Halloween. Illumi walks toward a closet and dumps the black sack inside. There is a loud "Oomph!" coming from somewhere, but that could be ignored. ] 

**Illumi: **Now, just so my useless partner would have something to do, may I now ask him to pull the first character from the closet? 

**Hisoka: **'Kay~! *prances towards the closet* 

[ A few rumbling and struggling sounds later... ] 

**Hisoka: **Ooh~!!! *tangles himself with the first character's ankles* 

**Gon: **WaAaaaAahh!!! Get away from me! Killua!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *trips over Hisoka* 

**Illumi: **Right. Now, just to humor my eccentric partner, let's wait for a few minutes to let him enjoy himself. 

**Gon: **No, Illumi-san, I hate you!!!! 

[ The following account will then render the fanfic R, so we shall leave it out. No, just the language people, Gon is too cute to hurt. Besides, Killua might start hunting me down if I'd do anything to Gon. It isn't my fault though, it would be Hisoka's, but I don't think he's going to believe me.] 

[ Right! So three minutes later... ] 

**Illumi: ***listens as Hisoka hums to himself while carrying Gon to a chair* 

**Gon: ***heaves out a pained breath* It's time like these that I miss Kurapika being scary. At least Kurapika will kill you in a split-second. Oh gods the torture... my virgin mind!!! 

[ No, Gon's just out to get me killed, don't believe him. It wasn't so bad really... ] 

**Gon: **Oh yeah? 

[ Yeah! ] 

**Gon: **Want to back-track and have _you_ in my place!? 

[ Oh lookie, we're wasting time~! Let's get back to Illumi-sama, shall we? ] 

**Kuroro: ***sweatdrops and whispers something to Illumi* 

**Illumi: ***tightens the rope around Gon* Hm... due to circumstances beyond my control (not really, I just like torturing this boy), we have decided to get another character from the closet. 

**Kuroro: ***pulls Killua out* 

**Killua: **Gon!!! *growl*snarl*screech*sneer* 

**Kuroro: ***grabs Hisoka and puts him in the closet* 

**Hisoka: **H-Hey!!! 

**Kuroro: **Gon doesn't like you and Illumi-san likes me better. *wink* 

**Illumi: ***grabs Killua by the shirt* Calm down. Just cheer the boy up or he won't give the correct answers. *settles Killua down on Gon's lap* 

**Killua: **What the hell do you think you're doing, aniki!?!? 

**Illumi: ***puts a big lollipop on Killua's mouth and proceeds on tying his limbs* Stay with Gon so he'll be happy, thus, making him "in-character". 

**Gon: ***not seeming to mind, or notice, the strange position* Yay, Killua's with me~!!! *please notice the hearts* 

**Illumi: **Okay, now we start. 

**Gon: ***bounces in his seat* Okay~!!! ^_____^ 

**Killua: ***panics* Gon, stop that, you idiot! Don't you think our positions are suggestive as is!?!? *would punch Gon but can't, so he settles for biting* 

**Gon: **Ow! Hey, that hurt!!! 

**Illumi: **Right, you two are distracting things. If any yaoist would come by and ogle at you both, I will personally make sure that you two's heads be pulled off - not chopped, not sliced, **pulled** - and served to me for dinner with ketchup and chili sauce. 

**Gon & Killua: **Eep! Yes sir! 

**Illumi: **Let's start. Gon, if you please. 

_ There was a boy by the name of _ ________._

**Gon:** Uhm...Killua! 

**Illumi: ***sighs* Somehow, I'm not surprised... 

_ There was a boy by the name of Killua. One night he was walking through the woods when he saw something shimmering a few feet away from a (Gon: Uh...) kitten! He walked towards it when it started to bounce around. Eyes wide and interested, he bent down to pat the kitten's head, but before he could even bang his head on the shimmering object, it spoke. It said in a monkey's voice, "Don't you dare not hug me, or else I shall tie you up and serve you to Illumi on a silver platter. I am a weird thingy and no one must dare to not hug me."_

_Hugging the thingy, he dashed back to the village, not even stopping to look back at where he saw the strange object. He was convinced that he had just brushed in with the supernatural, he headed back to his trampoline. But as he told the tale, nobody believed him._

**Kuroro: ***sweatdrops* That...wasn't even a horror story... 

**Illumi: ***twitches* Of all the confounded... *presses on his temple* I'm not even _that_ scary. 

**Gon: **Yes, you are! You're very scary you almost beat Hisoka on the scariest man who ever walked! The only difference is that you don't rape little kids. But you're still scary. 

**Illumi: **Am not. 

**Gon: **Are too!!! 

**Illumi: **Am not!!! *throws a fit* 

**Killua: **Ah-- aniki, now you're being scary. 

**Illumi: **Oh to hell with you morons. It's your turn Killua. 

**Killua: **I don't wanna, this story is stupid!!! 

[ At this moment, Killua starts getting dizzy, so do Gon and Kuroro. The surroundings start to move around, and coincidentally, Illumi's angry. ] 

**Illumi: **I believe there are words to be taken back? *holds up a fork and a plate* 

**Killua: **I mean, the story is very beautiful, you're a poet! 

**Illumi: **That's more like it. Now, the story, Killua. *taps fork and plate together* 

**Killua: **I hate you so much... 

_ There was a boy by the name of Gon. _

**Gon:** Yay~!!! 

**Illumi: **I wouldn't even ask... (these kids are obsessed) 

_ There was a boy by the name of Gon. One night he was walking through the candy store when he saw something shimmering a few feet away from a leprechaun. He walked towards it when it started to spit around. Eyes wide and interested, he bent down to spit with it, but before he could even poke a worm on the shimmering object, it spoke. It said in a sad-excuse-for-a voice, "Don't you dare put that worm on me, or else I shall tie you up and serve you to Illumi on a silver platter. I am a descendant of the the weewee clan and no one must dare to put any wriggling creature on me."_

_After eating the worm himself, he dashed back to the village, not even stopping to look back at where he saw the strange object. He was convinced that he had just brushed in with the supernatural, he headed back to his toilet. But as he told the tale, nobody believed him._

**Kuroro: **Now that was plain disgusting. 

**Gon: **Wow! Killua, I didn't know you're so good at writing stories! 

**Killua: ***sweatdrops* Er...sure Gon. 

**Illumi: ***twitches some more* Kuroro-san, if you please. 

[ Gon and Killua - known to be the kids who loathed the evil Illumi with a passion - were then thrown out the window. The closet door opens and in comes Hisoka. ] 

**Hisoka: **Why you-- *grabs for Kuroro* 

**Illumi: **Hisoka. *waves a stick of strawberry pocky and beckons Hisoka to him* 

**Hisoka: **Ooh, pocky~!!! *glomps Illumi and attaches himself to the young assassin's feet* 

[ And somewhere in the background... ] 

**Kurapika: **Let me go, you bastard! Where the hell did you come from anyway!?!? 

**Kuroro: **You think I'd tell the one who's out for my blood and intestines how I survive? In your face, kuruta-boy! 

**Voice in the closet: **Creepy dude. *slams the door closed* 

[ Back to Illumi... ] 

**Illumi: ***ties Kurapika up as well* Now, I want you to fill in the blanks, Kurapika-san. 

**Kurapika: **Why should I!? 

**Illumi: **Because I said so, that's why. 

**Kurapika: **I'm as powerful as you, you can't order me around! Give me one good reason why I should follow! 

**Illumi: **I eat people. Now shut up and just cooperate. 

**Kurapika: **You people are freaks. 

_ There was a boy by the name of Illumi. One night he was walking through the circus when he saw something shimmering a few feet away from a clown. He walked towards it when it started to generate hearts for him. Eyes wide and interested, he bent down to poke it, but before he could even touch the shimmering object, it spoke. It said in a distinctly familiar kind of like Hisoka's but let's not jump to conclusions voice, "Don't you dare poke me, or else I shall tie you up and kiss you senseless. I am a body part of that demented clown over there and no one must dare to poke me without asking if they could kiss me."_

_After a three-hour chase with the creepy body part, he dashed back to the village, not even stopping to look back at where he saw the strange object. He was convinced that he had just brushed in with the supernatural, he headed back to his creepy-looking family members. But as he told the tale, nobody believed him._

**Hisoka: **Hey, that sounds like me~!!! Whee, is it my arm? My head? Arms don't talk, do they? *bounces around while still hugging Illumi's lower leg* 

**Illumi: **Why is it that everybody seems to have a grudge against me? 

**Hisoka: **I like you~! 

**Illumi: **That only made things worse. 

**Kurapika: **Can I go now? 

**Illumi: **Would you spare a kiss for Kuroro just for the sake of your fans? 

**Kurapika: **Eew, that's disgusting!!! 

**Illumi: **Fine then, how about Leorio? 

**Kurapika: **Whatever gave you the idea that I'm gay? 

**Illumi: ***looks at Hisoka* If you please? 

**Hisoka: ***rolls out a 13-foot long scroll* Let's start with the face. Or would you rather we start with the body to save time? 

**Kurapika: ***sweatdrops* 

**Illumi: **Okay, let's say you're straight. Would you kiss Neon Nostrard? 

**Kurapika: **No, she's my employer, I can't do that! 

**Illumi: **My point exactly. You'd rather kiss Kuroro or Leorio, so you're not straight. 

**Kurapika: **You guys _ are_ freaks! 

**Kuroro: **In denial. May I? 

**Illumi: **Indulge. 

**Kuroro: ***shoves Kurapika down his bag for future use* 

[ Leorio's turn... ] 

**Leorio: **Where are the others? 

**Hisoka: **What others? 

**Leorio: **Kurapika, Gon and Killua! 

**Hisoka: ***looks around* Nope, I don't see them. Are they supposed to be here? 

**Leorio: **They should be!!! 

**Hisoka: **Well, they're not. 

**Leorio: **Well where are they? 

**Hisoka: **In Antarctica for all I care. Want a cookie? 

**Leorio: ***sweatdrops* 

[ Illumi walks in with Kuroro. I don't know where they came from. ] 

**Illumi: **Right, so let's start. Before you say anything against this activity, Leorio-san, let me just say this early on that I eat people. Any questions? 

**Leorio: **How do they taste like? 

**Illumi: ***sweatdrops* I'll pretend I didn't hear that. 

_ There was a boy by the name of Kai. One night he was walking through the factory that makes scotch tapes when he saw something shimmering a few feet away from a big roll of tape. He walked towards it when it started to make funny noises, like the flapping of a fish out of water. Eyes wide and interested, he bent down to examine it, but before he could even use a stethoscope on the shimmering object, it spoke. It said in an icky voice, "Don't you dare make a diagnosis me, or else I shall take a spoon and take your organs with it and feed it to Illumi. I am an evil thing and no one must dare to use a stethoscope on me."_

_Stethoscope still in hand, he dashed back to the village, not even stopping to look back at where he saw the strange object. He was convinced that he had just brushed in with the supernatural, he headed back to his clinic. But as he told the tale, nobody believed him._

**Illumi: ***twitch* Kuroro? 

**Kuroro: ***hands Illumi an aspirin* 

**Hisoka: **Hey, at least it's closer to Halloween than the last three. 

**Leorio: **Where _are_ the others anyway!?!? 

**Hisoka: **I told you, they're in Antarctica. 

**Leorio: **They can't get there in a span of 5 minutes!!! 

**Hisoka: **There is no such thing as physics in a fanfic that's written without the help of a brain. Now, we're done here. My turn, I wanna try!!! 

**Kuroro: ***pokes Leorio* Wanna go to Antarctica? 

**Leorio: **I just want to go where the others went. 

**Kuroro: **Can I borrow Kurapika? 

**Leorio: ***sweatdrops* Whatever that means, no. 

**Kuroro: **Just a day? 

**Leorio: **Kurapika will kill us if I say 'yes'. 

**Kuroro: **So? *stupid grin* 

**Leorio: **The last time I met you, you were pretty intelligent. How long have you been staying with Hisoka? 

[ Back to Hisoka and Illumi... ] 

**Hisoka: **Pretty please, Illu-chan? I promise I'll be good! 

**Illumi: **No Hisoka, I'm already ill as is, don't make it worse. 

**Hisoka: **I won't make things worse! I'm smarter than those people! 

**Illumi: **I doubt it. 

**Hisoka: **Aaw, you wound me! 

**Illumi: **Shut up! 

**Hisoka: **Is that a 'yes'? 

**Illumi: **Fuck you. 

**Hisoka: **Yay~!!! --is an expert in Illumi language. Yes, that meant 'yes'. 

_ There was a boy by the name of Hisoka. One night he was walking through a ghost town when he saw something shimmering a few feet away from a beautiful young man. He walked towards it when it started to move towards the beautiful young man. Eyes wide and interested, he bent down to crawl towards them, but before he could even glomp the shimmering object, it spoke. It said in a sultry voice, "Don't you dare not follow me, or else I shall not slither inside that young man's pants and give you the opportunity to seduce him. I am a guardian spirit who will let you meet him and no one must dare to glomp me."_

_After he introduced himself to the young man and got himself a date, he dashed back to the village, not even stopping to look back at where he saw the strange object. He was convinced that he had just brushed in with the supernatural, he headed back to his big tub of tofu he hasn't eaten in two weeks. But as he told the tale, nobody believed him._

**Hisoka: **But Hisoka met the young man again and here he is!!! *glomps Illumi* 

**Illumi: **Tell me that this is a joke. 

**Hisoka: **What's a joke? 

**Kuroro: **That clown _is_ the joke. 

**Hisoka: **Grr... *fights with Kuroro again* 

**Illumi: ***scowls* Whatever gave me the right to deny my psychiatrist's diagnosis of me and my sanity? 

**Kuroro: **You don't want to be called mentally ill lest you be put in an asylum and have Hisoka as your next-door neighbor. 

**Illumi: **Ah, right. Anyway, I don't know how to end this fanfic. 

**Hisoka: **Oh, me, I'll do it! That's easy! Here you go: 

**** THE END ****

**Author's Notes: **It also doesn't help that it isn't Halloween. I even had to debate with myself on whether or not I'll post this up. In the end, I decided that it'll be a waste of 30 minutes of my life if the fanfic won't be of use, so here it is. Meh, humor me on this one, okay? This kind of rotted for three months in my folder before I dug it out again. Feedbacks, no matter how senseless, are most welcome. It's not like the fic itself made sense anyway.XP 


End file.
